I remember praying that I could just be normal. Everyone seemed to have everything under control. They knew what the world had to offer, and they were not giving up until they had a taste of everything. My brother, for example, plays on the edge. He always pushes to see how far he can go, in all directions.
I am still jealous of my little brother sometimes. I love his confidence in himself. He thinks he is awesome, so he has become awesome. He always surprises me with his spur of the moment decisions. He just goes with his mood. I value that I look at the consequences first, but I love his freedom. He deals with things as they come. He acts rather than reacts. I want that.
I have a friend, Zac, who always just does. Does what, you may ask? If you can think of it, he will do it on his terms. He does not do what he does not want to do. The world rests in his palms. It gives to his every whim. He sets out to conquer the goal that he sets in front of himself.
It is funny how I have surrounded myself with friends that just enjoy life. They do not conquer the world because of some destiny that seems to be so nicely written out somewhere in the heavens. They conquer the world because the world is there to be conquered. I look at the mistakes that I make, and I see what I am doing wrong. Instead of fixing the problem, I walk away to cower in the darkness. I want to conquer the world.
Rather people agree, I always point out that you think the way you do because of your background. If you believe that the world is there to please you, then the world will budge at your every whim. Now, I do not mean this to say that you will have all the riches in the world within a snap because you ask for it. I mean, you can have the riches if you want it. You just have to do the work. I go out to clubs looking to have a good time. I want to get hit on. I want drinks bought for me. However, I walk in like a shy puppy with its tail stuck between its legs. Who is going to chase the dog around the dance floor? Sure, the chase is fun, but eventually you get tired. I catch someone’s eyes from across the room every now and then, but I take the first chance to look away so they do not think that I am creepy or weird.
I have been slightly paranoid my whole life. I wanted to anticipate what the world was going to give me. Logic always played its role. Eventually, I stuck to what would make most sense. I became paranoid that what I chose would not work. Had I made the right decision in choosing this path? In living with my brother and hanging with Zac, I have learned many things. Not everyone is looking to insult you. If you think you are not worth the time, then everyone in the club will think the same thing. I remember watching this guy walk across the dance floor. He just walked. Then, he stopped and put his back against the mirror. For the next five minutes, he stood there. He knew he looked good, and he waited until along came this courageous guy who took advantage. They danced. Why should you settle for one path when so many lay in front of you? I have grown, and I tend to follow all paths that interest me. Who makes the rules of life, and why would they stop you from tasting the world? The world has so much to offer, and people exist in it.
Do you? Do I, for that matter? Sometimes, I am unsure of my future. I do not know what is in store for me. What I do know is that I do not live a proactive life. When school is not in session, I wake up at one in the afternoon and sit there the rest of the night watching TV. Ok, it might not be that extreme, but I just exist sometimes. There are days, like today, when I wake up and set to work on a few projects. I cleaned up around the house. I updated my playlists. I lived an active life with my friends at my side. Today, I lived.
As a human, you are guaranteed a past and a present. You are not always guaranteed a future. The past weekend, while people gossiped of the rapture, I took a second to think. What if today was my last day? Would I want to be spending my last day at a wedding, reading a book, hanging with friends, or partying? You have so many options at your fingertips. You just have to know when to say yes. I do believe in obstacles, but you will get what you deserve and what you want if you believe that you will. I have seen many things happen that I once thought impossible. Take risks and taste the world.
